Jesus, Here Is My Heart

My heart feels like bursting
nothing can truly express it’s cry
It groans as it recognizes the hurt
The pain is a signal
that I am not truly home
The sinful nature looks to this world and persuades me to find comfort there
I’ve been there too many times
No true satisfaction can be found
Not in relationships
Not in pleasure
Not in happiness
These things only last a moment
In their wake they leave hurt or even depression
People think that love is the center of life
But life is at the center of Love
To go outside of it
Or to stray away means to abandon hope and true comfort
That is why, like a fetter, bind my wand’ring heart to thee
My heart aches and groans for the Almighty, the Eternal, the King
No thing can possibly replace such joy
Nor can no thing last

Praise the One who made me alive
The very day that He died

I can't live a single day without you     
I don't even want to try                                      
And I won't take another step without your light           
I need your light
-Phil Wickham

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
-Psalm 73:25

Free To Struggle

“Hallelujah we are free to struggle, we’re not struggling to be free.” This is a line from the song The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North. When I first heard this song, I didn’t understand what it meant. Now, it is a beautiful phrase that describes my life in this world with Jesus as my savior.

I’ve been learning a lot these past couples weeks, hence the constant posting. I learned one very interesting thing from a counselor I went to yesterday. He was telling me that the most people who become sex addicts are CEOs, big wigs, and people who are highly decorated. He further explained that the reason for this is because they are searching for relational intimacy and they try to find that in a place that people don’t get to see: the bedroom. 

As I heard that, my heart broke and I started to cry because I thought about how God loves us so much and wants intimacy with us, and specifically how He loves me. Since yesterday, I’ve seen how my desire for relational intimacy has impacted me. I so strongly seek relationships with people to have that intimacy. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to seek intimacy with people, but they can’t be my source of it nor can they be where I find validation.

I’m always fighting this desire to run to people and I have to keep reminding myself of the promises and truths that God has given to me. It’s a constant battle against the flesh. The flesh desires to be in relationship with people, but my inner being needs to be intimate with God. I understand that I will never be done fighting sin, temptation, the flesh or the world until Jesus returns and calls us home. Until then, it is a struggle, but it is a holy struggle. Praise God that I struggle because that means His Spirit is in me. If I wasn’t in a relationship with Him and didn’t have His Spirit, I wouldn’t be able to struggle I would just submit to sin (Romans 8:5-8). A verse after that (Romans 8:9a) says “You, however, are not controlled by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you…”

If you are struggling with anything right now, praise God because without Him you wouldn’t be able to.

So once again “Hallelujah! We are free to struggle, we’re not struggling to be free!”