I am cut to the core. Recently, a lot of pain has entered my life that has led me towards unfaithfulness in my relationship with Christ. Instead of allowing myself to experience the pain and have it be a reminder that this is not home and strengthen my dependence on Him and the Body, I tried to end the pain to end by running to things that would numb the pain. In doing so, I have numbed not only the pain, but also any joy I may have experienced from receiving grace from God. I was reminded of this verse recently and it makes so much more sense to me now:
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
-2 Corinthians 7:10
Now I have seen the foolishness of my mistakes. Through the caring kindness of God through several friends, I have seen the light. As a result, I feel the pain of remorse along with the pain I felt originally. If anything this has been a reminder of my weakness, selfishness and frailty. Instead of running from this pain this time, I am going to allow myself to experience it and have it push me closer to God. I will hold on to this hope because, to be honest, I have nothing else to run to. With the following verse in mind, I will humbly accept the gift I do not deserve:
The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.