Singleness: That Infectious Disease

So I must preface this post with two things: First, this will be a long post. Secondly, these are simply thoughts and ideas I have discovered as a single, 20 year old male in college who pursues Jesus by His grace and love alone. 

I am writing about the idea of singleness because I have realized how big of a topic it is in America (not just in Christian circles). However, singleness is treated as a disease that needs to be cured. So often I have been asked “are you dating anyone right now?” as if there is an expectation that I have to or should be. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have a desire to be married one day, but I have found that a lot of Christians’ views of singleness is quite skewed. We always have these cliché (and might I add stupid) quotes related to dating within Christianity. Here are two for example:

“Run fast as you can toward God and if someone keeps up, introduce yourself.”

“Remember God will never take something away from you without the intention of replacing it with something better.” 

There’s always a “cure” for singleness. You just have to wait long enough, trust God enough, pursue God harder. It’s never enough though because singleness was never a disease to be cured. Let me briefly share my experience with this in all of my 20 years of living in this “ring before spring” culture.

My entire life, until very recently around the middle of September, I had structure my life like this: 



I had centered my life around girls and finding a relationship. Everything I did orbited around finding a relationship. Each day I would wake up and try to find someone that could make me feel loved, who gave me affection, made me feel special, and ultimately I just wanted to feel comfortable and to feel good. My whole reason for following Jesus was to impress a Christian girl. My prayers were that I would become a godly man so that I could find a godly girl. Going to school, church, and my job was like fishing for the best girlfriend. I had realized this destructive tendency in my life and surrendered to God saying “I don’t want anything to distract or get in the way of my relationship with you, O God, ever again.” 

That night, I never felt so free and joyous. I had been freed. The reason I say freed is because with my life looking like that, I was under slavery to relationships. It was a heavy yoke that brought only disappointment, hurt, and sadness. 

There were many repercussions to this view that I am still dealing with today. I do admit I am not perfect and I sometimes still strive for a girl’s heart rather than the heart of God, but I can honestly say my whole life has changed since that night.

What I’ve realized since then is that there is so much emphasis on how to date properly, how to figure out if this person is worth dating, figuring out if this person is a part of God’s will for your life, etc. These can be fine and I’ve actually found some material that is quite excellent about this stuff. All that excellent material, though, centers around Jesus Christ and not relationships. 

We all have a desire to be loved and shown affection and that’s not a bad thing. If we find that desire is being “satisfied” by anything other than Jesus, it just becomes a cyclical mechanism that destroys your life. Trust God. Trust Him that He is good and that He alone satisfies you. To chase after anything else to be satisfied is an act of unbelief and distrust in God. You will be shown love, affection and be cared for through Christ. Has He not already? 

I may have said this in previous posts, but I will gladly repeat it: love has to be followed by an action. You cannot simply tell a person each and every single day that you love them and do nothing about it. Love is also measure by the depth of that action. Want to know how much God loves you? Read Romans 5:8 then read John 15:13. That’s how much God loves you. The perfect and holy God who needs nothing loves you that much. 

So to those who are single: Seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Trust Him. Love others the way you want to be loved.

To those who aren’t single: Please help us out and (for those of you who do this) quit asking about our love life. If we are seeing someone you will know. 


Everything Is Meaningless.

I am writing this at 1:29AM Mountain Standard Time because I cannot sleep. The reason for my not sleeping is because life has hit me with a couple different problems that just won’t let me sleep. Granted, they are no where near what the people in the Philippines are facing. I could not imagine what it must be like to be in a situation like that especially at night. Your home destroyed. Perhaps loved ones gone or missing. You are literally sleeping on the ground and you only sleep because your body needs it, not because it’s comfortable.

But I digress (not to lessen the situation in the Philippines). In thinking about my problems, I’ve come to realize everything is meaningless.

One of the problems I’m facing now is that I’ve acquired a decent amount of debt because of my injury in the midst of having no job. While I was thinking about that, I thought “why was I given life?” I thought about how often I fail, how insanely selfish I am and how I couldn’t even imagine having a career in vocational ministry; the very thing the degree I’m working towards is preparing me for.

Even deeper, I thought about how Paul and the Disciples lived life. It must have been incredibly difficult, but their lives were wholly focused on Christ and sharing the gospel. It wasn’t focused on making enough money to live, on finding a spouse, and not on anything else that would focus on them. I desire so much for my life to be like that and not have an American life that is centered on making money, paying bills and obtaining luxuries.

Everything I’m doing is for me and my comfort. When I got that bill in the mail and opened it up, I became very anxious and stressed. This is because it meant an end for my comfort. It meant an end to see movies, be with friends, and just be carefree. I began to think of how pointless everything is in view of eternity with the Creator of the universe. But, I think what I’m truly realizing is that these things aren’t necessarily meaningless, they just aren’t truly satisfying in any way.

The author of Ecclesiastes realized this as well. Everything the author of this book calls “meaningless” is actually referring to the “reward” they bring. Wisdom is meaningless because “For with wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief” (Ecclesiastes 1:18). Pleasures are meaningless:

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was my reward for all my labor.”

-Ecclesiastes 2:10

This author experiences every pleasure and comfort a human being could have experienced and found them all meaningless. However, the way he concludes all this is interesting:

“Now all has been heard;

Here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

For this is the whole duty of man.

For God will bring every deed into judgment,

including every hidden thing,

whether it is good or evil.”

-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Really? This person experiences anything and everything a person could want while on earth (wives [multiple so he had sexual pleasure], money, popularity, built things with his own hands, etc.). Anything you can think about that you think would enhance life, this guy had it and he concludes that we should fear God and obey his commandments? That’s the best thing to do in this life?

This life is meant to be a worshipful (bring worth too –> worthship) expression by sacrificially loving others while supremely loving our Creator in a heart that overflows with gratefulness and the Spirit of Christ. So, my life can be like Paul’s.

I will love like Christ did and share about what He did for my life to everyone I know. I will experience suffering, like Paul, but in a different way be it bills, relational pain (either romantic or brotherly) or whatever else life may throw at me. Paul worked hard and experienced suffering just like many will in America today. However, he realized something about his life and about all the pain that would come his way:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

-Romans 8:18

An attitude like that brings joy like this:

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of know Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I’ve lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

-Philippians 3:8-11

My brothers and sisters, if you are reading this with a heart that does not consider the value of knowing Christ deeply and fully or even at all I urge you to consider the worth or value of whatever you may be pursuing in light of eternity. If you are reading this considering everything is meaningless like I have, be encouraged that all things were meant for us to honor and glorify God. Also in the midst of hurt, pain, and sorrow, our God will be honored in our perseverance and there will be a day when we will be in His loving embrace and presence.

Grace and peace be to whomever reads this.